From   : Sean (100557.147@compuserve.com)
Source :

What about when Homer's building the car for his half brother.

Homer : "What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot 
         your car in a park.  I think all cars should have them!"


From   : Jeff Billington (billingj@cs.man.ac.uk)
Source :

[Marge's aunt has died and they are going to funeral]

Selma : "Its the death of a legend."

Homer's Brain: "Yeah! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!"
Homer : [Out loud] "Ha Ha! The Legend of the dog-faced woman!"

[The Car Falls into shocked silence]

Marge : "Homer!"
Homer : "Stupid Brain."


From   : Jeff Billington (billingj@cs.man.ac.uk)
Source :

Marge : "Homer I want to talk to you about this credit card bill..."
Homer : [Falls to floor screaming and crying]
        "I admit it! The record club! The first eight were only a
         penny...then they jacked up the price!..."


From   : Jeff Billington (billingj@cs.man.ac.uk)
Source :

[Episode where Marge tracks down Homer to the power plant]

Lenny : "Where are you going ?"
Homer : [Triumphantly carrying Marge]
        "I'm going to the back seat of my car! And I wont be back
        for TEN MINUTES!"


From   : Jeff Billington (billingj@cs.man.ac.uk)
Source :

[Episode where Bart is a baby]

[Homer is returning home from work...]

Homer : [Singing cheerfully]
        "When the working day is done..girls just wanna have fun!"


From   : Jeff Billington (billingj@cs.man.ac.uk)
Source : Lady Bouvier's Lover (1F21):

Marge : "Homer, It's funny but I've noticed that my mum and your
         dad are very lonely."
Homer : "Heh Heh! That is Funny!"

Marge : "They need to spend time together..."
Homer : "Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need
         to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients
         can be obtained from them..."
Marge : "Stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet and go to sleep."


From   : Erick Thomas Swanson (etswanso@eos.ncsu.edu)
Source : Mr Lisa Goes To Washington (8F01):

[In the episode where George Bush moves in next door...
 Santa's Little Helper is chasing the Bushes down the street.]

Homer         : "Looks like he's barking up the wrong Bush!  Heh heh!"
Homer's Brain : "Good job Homer, the cleverest thing you'll ever say
                 and no-one was around to hear it."
Homer         : "D'oh!"


From   : "matt van becelaere" (mlv6498@ksu.edu)
Source : 

[Episode where Marge tries to get the family a membership in a ritzy
 country club.]

Mr. Burns : "Quit cogitating Steinmetz and use an open faced club,
             A sand wedge."
Homer     : "Mmmm, open faced club sand wedge."


From   : IS Helpdesk (helpdesk@harlequinbooks.com)
Source : 

[Upon meeting a representative from Reader's Digest]

Homer : "Ooh, I love your magazine.  Especially the 'Enrich Your
         Wordpower' section.  I think it's really...really...
         really...good."


From   : DELINQUENT (s846295@aix2.uottawa.ca)
Source : 

[This was said on a long distance collect call service for
 "1-800-call-collect", in which Homer is seen gazing out across
  the Grand Canyon, and decides to call home to share the experience
  with his family by making a reverse charge call.]

Homer : "Ah!, the Grand Canyon.  What a ... grand canyon!"


From   : James Handy (James.Handy@newcastle.ac.uk)
Source : 

[Marge decides to join the police force]

[She's walking down the street noticing minor crimes when A car 
 parks across three spaces. Homer gets out of the car...]

Marge : "Homer! Move that car at once!"
Homer : "It's okay Marge, I'm only going to buy some beer for those
         kids over there."

Marge : "Move that car at once!"

Homer : [Steals Marges' police hat and puts it on]
        "Ohh, I'm officer Marge la de da de da, what are you gonna do?"
Marge : [Handcuffs Homer]
        "You have the right to remain silent..."
Homer : "I choose to waver that right WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"


From   : Thomas (jaimde@aol.com)
Source : 

[From the episode where the school goes on strike, Homer giving 
 Lisa sage-like advice...]

Homer : "In this house, young lady, we obey the laws of "
         thermodynamics!"


From   : Louise (achtung@gateway.net.au)
Source : 

Homer : "I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones. 
         Mmmmm Chicken!"


From   : Oliver Dueck (102534.2511@compuserve.com)
Source : 

[Homer looking at globe, spots Uruguay]

Homer: "Ha ha! Look at this country! 'You are gay'! Ha ha!"


From   : Internet User (INTERNET@staff.humber.ac.uk)
Source : 

Marge : "What would you like for dinner Homer?"
Homer : "Steak!"
Marge : "Our Budget is too tight! What else would you like?"
Homer : "Steak!"


From   : DAVE BURLEY (dburley@hannaford.com)
Source : 

[Homer is at the table with the family]

Homer :	"Anyhow, last night we're playing poker right, and as
         usual I'm winning and not realizing it. And Lenny says 
         that I'm, get this [he laughs hysterically], a little
         slow!"

[More hysterical laughter but no one at the table is laughing]

Homer  : "How come you're not laughing.  Do you think I'm slow?"
Bart   : "Uh..."
Lisa   : "Uh..."
Maggie : [Sound of her sucking on her pacifier]
Marge  : "Hmmm, We don't think you're slow, but on the other hand
          it's not like you go to museums or read books or 
          anything"

Homer  : "It's not that I don't want to, It's those TV networks
          Marge they won't let me. One quality show after another 
          each one fresher and more brilliant than the last.
          If they only stumbled once, just gave us thirty minutes 
          to ourselves. But they won't , they won't let me live..."
          
[Cries like a baby]

Homer : "Oh who am I kidding, I am slow"
Marge : "Oh Homey, If you feel so bad about yourself there's 
         always things you can do to make you feel better"
Homer : "Like take another bath in malt liquor?"
Marge : "There's that, or you can take an adult education
         course"
Homer : "Oh, and how is education supposed to make me feel
         smarter. Besides, every time I learn something new, it 
         pushes some old stuff out of my brain.  Remember when I
         took that home wine making course and I forgot how to
         drive?"

Marge : "That's because you were drunk"
Homer : "[Contentedly] And how!"


From   : Natalie Brown (DBrown@SYLVANIA.SEV.ORG)
Source : 

Okay here's one: episode where Marge becomes a police officer

Homer: "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy,
        I thought that it would be fun and zany like that movie 
        'Spaceballs'. But instead it was dark and disturbing like 
        that movie 'Police Academy'"

Read on for the very latest quotes!

From   : (LCIUR@ruyton.schnet.edu.au)
Source : 

Here's a quote from the episode were Homer has his own religion.

Homer : "What's the meaning of life?"
God   : "Sorry, you have to wait until you die."
Homer : "But I can't wait that long."
God   : "You can't wait 3 months?"
Homer : "No!!"
God   : "Oh OK.. The meaning of life is...[Simpson music!]"


From   : (James24601@aol.com)
Source :

[subplot: moe's family feedbag]
 
[Moe's gimmicky restaurant is getting underway and a huge fryer arrives
 outside...quote is not verbatim]
 
Barney : "What's that?"
Moe    : "It's a dee-fryer...I picked it up from the Navy. That baby can
          flash-fry a buffalo in under 40 seconds."
Homer  : "40 seconds?...Awwww, but I want it now!"


From   : (kbrandman@VNET.IBM.COM)
Source :

[Homer talking to Sideshow Bob, discussing what sort of appetizer to serve
at Bob & Selma's wedding]

Homer : "Well, you can't go wrong with cocktail weenies - they come wrapped 
         in this tasty little package and are served with a delicious red 
         sauce: it looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, BUT BROTHER, 
         IT AIN'T KETCHUP!"



From   : James Bolger (ozzie@mc.net)
Source :

It is not an exact quote but close enough.

[Homer talking on phone to friend, while Bart comes into kitchen with Lisa.]

Bart  : "Damn, these uniforms suck."
Marge : "Bart, where are do you learn this language?"
Homer : [on phone] "Boy, Larry, that was suckiest game last night with two 
        sucky teams.All the players sucked, it just plain sucked.Go to go 
        Larry, my wiener kids are listening." [click]

Bart & Lisa : "Dad, we're not wieners."
Homer       : "Nice, closes, HEHEHEHE!!!"


From   : "j.gonick" 
Source :

[Lisa at work with Homer - Homer and Lisa looking for snacks]

Lisa  : "Dad do you have any fruit?"
Homer : "This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit."



From   : James Bolger (ozzie@mc.net)
Source :

Homer : "So Lisa your not going to eat any meat anymore, not even 
         bacon?"
LIsa  : "No"
Homer : "Ham?"
Lisa  : "No"
Homer : "Pork chops"
LIsa  : "Dad those all come from the same animal"
Homer : [Condescending] "Yes Lisa, A special magical animal from fairy
        land!"



From   : Alexander Gormley (agormley@gprep.pvt.k12.md.us)
Source :

(The Witness Relocation Episode)

WRL Guy : "Here's is a few places we've got in mind for you. Terror
           Lake, Cape Fear, Screamville
Homer   : [Giddily] "Oh, Ice creamville"
WRL Guy : "No Screamville"
Homer   : "Ahhhhhhhhhhh" [in that terrrified scream he has]


From   : Alexander Gormley (agormley@gprep.pvt.k12.md.us)
Source :

(The episode with the "Marriage Retreat Weekend")

Marge : "Homer we never have parties"
Homer : "What about that huge one, you know with champagne, a band,
         a lot of holy men or somehting."
Marge : "Homer that was our wedding"